Dear Seniors, Please Don’t Buy Personal Alarms. Signed, The Criminals Of The World

Dear Seniors, Please Don’t Buy Personal Alarms. Signed, The Criminals Of The World

Dear Seniors,
We are writing to you in hopes of reaching some kind of agreement in regards to the personal self-defense craze that has been sweeping the nation, I’m speaking of course about personal alarms. These trusty little alarms have greatly impeded our ability to attack you and rob you of your cash and valuables and we have mouths to feed, namely our own as we care little for others well-being. With their ultra-high decibel alarms they attack a great deal of unwanted attention to the scene and seeing as we are trying to commit a crime we would much rather not have that unwanted attention. Unwanted attention usually brings the police or at the very least other people looking to help and that just doesn’t sit well with us as we are sure you can understand.
You see, we criminals like to take the path of least resistance when finding someone to mug and we just assume that Father time has slowed you all down enough to make it much easier to take your belongings than say a 30 year-olds’.
These little personal alarms, that usually come in the form of a keychain (making them nearly impossible to forget at home), can register decibel levels that are roughly as loud as a rock concert (125-135 dB’s). That’s great for you as it makes the device extremely effective but that noise really gives us criminals a scare and that just doesn’t seem right to us. More often than not, when we hear a noise that loud while we are about to attack you we will probably just turn our cowardly little tails and run in the opposite direction for fear of being seen and ultimately apprehended. If that happens how are we going to take your watch and pawn it?
Also, these trusty little devices are completely safe to carry as they do not operate by incapacitating us like a stun device, Taser or handgun might, so I guess for that we can be somewhat grateful but the end result is still us either getting arrested or at least leaving the scene empty-handed and that makes it very difficult for us to buy the drugs we are probably addicted to.
I hate to even throw this out there but these personal alarms almost always come with a little flashlight as well and that makes them a very handy tool when trying to unlock a door at night. So even if we never get around to trying to take your wallet or purse there is still great use for these alarms even if you never have to be in the unfortunate situation of using the alarm against us.
So in closing I would just like to say please do not purchase one of these alarms as it makes it extremely difficult to mug you.

Thanks,
Criminals Of The World

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