In an account that could well have been headlined “Tips from twits on how to wreck a Caribbean vacation”, American actress and model Olivia Wilde recently shared anecdotes from her reported “nightmare vacation” in Jamaica.
Wilde, who starred in Tron: Legacy, was speaking during a recent appearance on The Late Show With David Letterman in which she revealed that she and her boyfriend, Horrible Bosses star Jason Sudeikis, had to be rescued by Jamaican fishermen after finding themselves “stranded at sea” on their first holiday together.
Judging from her account, it could also have been their last holiday together, since the double-trouble pair seemed seriously suicide-bent. At best, the couple was “wet” and “at sea” in more ways than one.
As Wilde related: “We fancy ourselves athletic people, tough people, so we thought we won’t just sit on the beach all the time, we’ll go kayaking.”
So she and Sudeikis set off, ignoring warnings about choppy, stormy conditions, and prompting most mere mortals to ponder which part of the word “warning” the two geniuses didn’t understand.
“We get to the middle (of the bay), disaster strikes, it’s too windy, the waves are too big and it’s mayhem,” Wilde prattled on.
“It got a little too treacherous and I turned around and Jason was gone. He resurfaced and we were rescued by a team of fishermen. They had been watching us with binoculars. I’m sure they were taking bets on who would go down first. We were both dragged out of our kayaks into the fishing boat,” she continued, leaving folks wondering what the fisherman, who risked their own necks to fish frivolous film stars out of the drink, were thinking.
Back on shore, and still apparently hell-bent on making waves, Wilde said they “decided to do something safer”, swimming out to “a little floaty island” a few metres from the beach.
“Floaty” island? Was the language-challenged actress referring to some kind of raft? Or is Jamaica endowed with a geological aberration that could rank among the wonders of the world? Or were Wilde and Sudeikis the real “floaty” ones – possibly as a result of overindulgence in good Jamaica rum punch? Go figure.
The actress picked up the thread of her personal drama: “On my way back in I got stung by a swarm of jellyfish. So then I crawled out and I was covered in welts. And Jason of course is still stuck on the floaty island looking at me like, ‘I can’t get in there,’ so I had to go and get the same rescue team to come back with a kayak to get him.”
Lucky for you the fisherman hadn’t gone home in disgust, Ms Wilde.
We can only be grateful that the couple’s vacation ended before they figured out a way to stir up a shark or two. But maybe not; not even a shark would swallow that kind of foolishness.
While we thank the two luminaries for choosing the Caribbean, we are tempted to respectfully suggest that they pick on the Pacific next time.