My Biracial Son Said, “I Don’t Like Black People”


My Biracial Son Said, "I Don't Like Black People"
Rhysie and his mammie

AFRICANGLOBE – I’ve started taking my biracial boys to our new Black church. Due to significant transitions in work and other factors, I’d lost consistent, ongoing healthy interactions with A LOT of the Black folks in my life. After some time, this reality hit me hard. I started asking myself all the questions:

NUMBER ONE: Where are my black people, for crying out loud?

Why don’t I have more black friends whom I see on a regular basis?

Why aren’t I reading more black authors?

Why am I default interacting with mostly white bloggers online? (Hint: they are typically easier to find).

Why aren’t I shopping, living, interacting with more black people on a daily basis?

Where can I find some black people, cuz I’m finna lose it?!

Where are my safe spaces with black folks? Where, God in heaven, am I safe on this planet? 2013 was SUCH a bad year for Black Americans.

When we pulled into the parking lot on Mother’s Day, eight and a-half year old Ransom sighed.

“Ugh. Mama, I don’t want to go this one. I wanted to go to Daddy’s (white) church!”

Rhysie, who is four and a-half, followed suit. “Yeah, Mama. I didn’t want to go to this one.”

I lug them out of the car, pontificating about having a good attitude and being thankful for all things blah blah blah when I realize I need to tell them the truth.

“Look boys, it’s good for Mama to be around other black people. Mama needs more black people in her life.”

“I don’t like black people!” Rhysie says in a huff, stomping his foot for good measure.

I sigh. What I remind myself quickly—he’s four and a-half. He does not know what in thee hell he’s talking about. Also? I’m positive he’s blissfully and conceptually challenged to what race, ethnicity and cultural identity *actually* mean. In our 14 year marriage, we’d spent the first five years in all black church and the remaining nine in all white church. I left that church because, instinctively, I knew if I didn’t get around my people—in a healthy context, I would shrivel and die. Shrivel. Die. Rinse. Repeat.

My Biracial Son Said, "I Don't Like Black People"

I’ve been more intentional in other ways, too. That’s why I took the plunge even though my husband couldn’t come with me. We knew he needed his relationships with his white peers, recently developed. We knew he needed white worship music to enter in. We knew if I heard another white worship set I was going to hang myself upside down by my pinky toes. I could explain all this to a four and a-half year old OR I could poke my eyes out and both would have roughly the same effect. I opt for a lighter approach…

I kneel down to face him and smile, “Rhysie, it’s not nice to say you don’t like people because God made all people. All people with black skin, peach skin, yellow skin, light brown skin, reddish skin, no matter what color skin God loves them all and we should too.”

Ransom interrupts, “Besides, Rhysie, your Mama is black. If you don’t like black people you don’t like your Mama.”

Rhysie looks curiously at my skin. “No she’s not, she’s white like me!”

White like me.

White like me.

White like me.

This is too much for today. Yet, attending this church is right on time for us three racially ambiguous ragamuffins.

“Rhysie,” I say, “Neither you or Mama are only white. God made us black too. In fact, your Grandpa Green was black but you never met him because he died before you were born.”

“Grandpa Green wasn’t green?”

I explain his last name was a color not a skin tone but give up when I see him fading out spying bugs on the sidewalk.

Ransom chimes in, “Mama, I don’t like this church because… I just don’t like how different…” he trails off in confusion.

I tell him the first time I ever went to a big, black church I was scared too. I tell him people worship God in lots of different ways and just because we aren’t used to it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t go to those places. I tell him I want he and Rhysie to learn to love the traditions of African-Americans because it’s part of their heritage.

He’s either very impressed with my answer or either very bored because he takes my hand and we walk in silence.

After church, Rhysie is giddy from making Mother’s Day art, Ran had an hour of snuggling, drawing and iPad time with me during the sermon.

In the car I ask, “Now was that soooooooooo bad?”

Ran says no, but that he still doesn’t like it.

Like most parenting moments, good enough for today.


By: Grace Biskie



  1. Most biracial kids say that around age 3-4. It’s from the media. Every child will recite white is right. We’ve all seen the tragic black v white doll experiment

  2. Most biracial kids say that around age 3-4. It’s from the media. Every child will recite white is right. We’ve all seen the tragic black v white doll experiment

  3. I Agree With Justin’s Feelings!!
    GPG-But For Much Deeper Reasons !!
    All The Signs N The Historical / Spiritual Markings R Present !!
    They Have Been Here N Always Will Be !!
    But There R So Many Of Us Who Ignore Them ! N just Flat Out Refuse Ta Acknowledge Them For A Whole Array Of Selfish Reasons !!
    Thus Maintaing This Global Confusion
    That Pretty Much Dominates The World !!
    I Will Not Get Into Any Gory Details About Those Markings! Let Me Just Say This .
    There Was A Profound Reason That Every Specious Had Their Own Everything In The Beginning !!
    Which , When U Take A Closer Look At it. !
    U Really Find That Like So Many Other Gifts To Humanity. , It Was A Divine Blessing To Us All !
    But Some Of Us Don’t Think Their R Dire Consequences For Crossing The Line Of Divinity !
    To Their Chagrin , They ‘ve
    Sadly Found Out Differently!! e.i “Mommy I Don’t Like Black People ”
    Right Now, That’s Just A Sample Of A Much Larger Problem !!!

  4. I have a white step-mother from Belgium and my father is black, my biological mother is black, love them all!! My father raised us to Love people of all colors. My daughters have some Cape Verdean mixture, ( African and Portuguese), and my grandfather also. It is so important for children to keep in touch with their culture. My daughter use to say she was beige when she was 4 years old, about your sons age. I’m so glad your explaining to him that color doesn’t matter. There are a lot of people who have black in them, but they are ashamed to tell others. I love my cocoa brown skin!! Thank you, and there are also children’s book to help him understand his culture. God Bless you Rhysie and Mom!

  5. If she would have married a African man this African woman wouldn’t have such problems getting her son to cope with his racial confusion, there would have been much less confusion. The question is why didn’t she? Until the global religion of white domination end the confusion will continue, loyalties will be tested mentally and physically.