AFRICANGLOBE – A real father can never be replaced and a real man with children steps up to be a real dad. Though I hear many women say they are both mom and dad, no they are not because they were never built to be both. A woman cannot raise a boy to be a man as well as a man can because she is not one. A woman can tell her daughter what to look for in a man but she cannot show her. Thus the father sets the bar by being the standard of what his daughter should look for and accept in a man. While a lot to of credit should be given to all the single mothers, grandparents, stepfathers and surrogates who do their best to raise children, let it be known that none of them are a replacement for the biological fathers in his child’s life.
A member of the LBGT community cannot replace a dad either. Why not? Because there is obvious confusion of roles and gender – like it or not. A woman who acts like a man, tries to look like a man and attempts to behave like a man is in fact still not a man – and children are not stupid. They can see the difference. A woman who thinks she has become a man (or the reverse) has simply changed a few parts, not their gender. Confusion over gender and confusion over sexual preference leads to confused children who have no idea what their roles will be as adults.
LGBT is not normal because it is not the norm. They are not representative of the majority of people in this country, no matter how much they push their agenda. They are unnatural because nature gives a man the ability to reproduce with a woman while LGBT behavior does not. These are facts. And for those of you who disagree, before you try to dig up stats to refute this article, look in the mirror of your heart and ask why you would refute the truth. LGBT people have lost a sense of right and wrong, replacing it with whatever they want to do as their right and wrong. All people would do well to remember that the truth is not hate speech just because people don’t like it and rebellion against that which is normal is abnormal.
Being a real dad or a good father cannot be defined primarily by a woman, even if the woman is the mother of your children. She has her ways, ideas, experiences and upbringing, all of which may be biased and none of which is perfect. The dad is not perfect either, which is all the more reason that the facts of being a real dad must originate elsewhere. To be a good dad (a real dad is a good dad), you must be the best you can be. You must be present and proactively involved in your children’s lives. First God determines what a father ( a real dad) should be. Then the good men who raise you determine what a father should be, especially by example. Then your mother chimes in with her knowledge. Next to last, the mother of your children certainly has input but she is NOT the determining factor – even though the courts act like she is. Her opinions do matter but unfortunately the court allows them to matter too much – almost guaranteeing that she has more rights and you will not receive your constitutional right of equal protection under the law. no matter, prepare yourself . Fight relentlessly, wisely and legally to be in the lives of your children as much as possible.
Here are some interesting facts that you may never hear. Did you know that when women are ordered to pay child support, they actually do worse overall than men? Did you know that over 90% of the time women are given custody of the children even though the cases of child abuse as a single parent are at least 15% higher than when the male is the custodial parent? Yet the courts keep right on ignoring the facts and assuming the children are better off with the mother. These facts are kept hidden from the public in order to advance a feminist agenda which further reduces the rights of the man and the perception of his usefulness. All of this is done quietly like a poison family infection.
At the bottom only because their lack of knowledge are the children or rather their ideas of what makes a good dad. Yes their opinions count and though they may be biased, they are also often quite accurate. Therefore if you want to verify a good dad, ask his children. Children know who spends time with them, not just money. Children see quality time as more important than money, even though their mothers may not. Children remember when you were there at school plays, awards days, their basketball games, birthdays, holidays and traumatic events in their lives. Ironically, while mothers often place how money you give as top priority, your children do not think that way. It seems children understand the intangible things that shape lives and character. While children do have to eat, maybe mothers should learn from children what matters most. That would do wonders in child support court and with family principles.
Nobody can replace a real dad. If you choose not to be one or simply run off and start another family, you are neither a real man nor a real dad. You are a coward. Your children are biologically 50% you so if you dessert them, you are abandoning a part of yourself. If you put your needs first guys, you are setting an example of selfishness that your children will either produce or resent you for it. And remember karma is a female dog.
What if your child’s mother is a demon who makes it almost impossible for you to be involved with the child? Then you have to be prepared to fight to be a part of the child’s life. It is your right and the right of the child. At that point, it is not about the mother or what she wants. It is about what is best for the child and what is right. In my early 20s I married the worst woman I have ever known, a real demon. I selected her, I said “I do“, I ignored who she really was and I chose to have children with her. All of those bad choices were decisions I made that made it harder on me.
I fought every way I could to be a part of my son’s lives and you have to do the same. I refused to quit. I refused to go away. I refused to be defeated. She would have had to kill me to keep me from being a part of my son’s lives. She did so many things to me for so many years that your head would spin off your neck in shock. I never gave up. It worked out well and most importantly, my sons knew I was fighting to stay in their lives. I was fighting for their rights and mine. That is something they will never forget. So guys know that your children are watching what you do and even the Hell their mother puts you through. As a man, especially with sons, you are showing them how to stand against adversity and refuse to be defeated. That is a life skill they will need as adults and you don’t fail until you give up.
Overwhelmingly research and statistics show devastating circumstances when the father is not involved in the lives of his children. A word to the wise. Mothers, if you keep your children away from their father or attack him for grievances between adults, you are hurting your children, not protecting them. When a dad is absent or inactive, the chances of the child growing up unbalanced, insecure, running away, getting incarcerated, getting pregnant early, being undisciplined, turning to drugs and dropping out of school all rise dramatically. These issues are scientific proof that nobody can replace a real dad. I could show you the stats and research but you can look them up.
For all the women who say “I don’t need a man“, that’s another subject of denial and rebellion for another time. But I will say if a woman thinks she does not need a man, she does not understand the purpose of a man. Nevertheless, whether the woman needs a man or not, it is clear that the children need their father consistently involved in their lives. One of the biggest problems in the African American community today is absent or inactive fathers. Sometimes the father is to blame, sometimes the mother is the problem and sometimes it is both. Cycles of broken homes, irresponsible parents, infidelity and couples who got together for the wrong reasons continue to destroy the fabric of our African American families. Then the bias of the courts and incarceration take another chunk out of the family unit. But real dads can stop this one dad at a time, one child at a time, one home at a time.
Real dads in the Black community deserve to be praised, respected and appreciated because there are so few of us – yet more of us exist than the media and the courts will admit to. Real dads can raise up children to go where nobody else can lead them. Real dads provide a sense of security and stability for our daughters. Real dads are role models for our sons, teaching them how to overcome adversity, solve problems and avoid conflict. Real dads show our sons how to pick a wife and our daughters how they should be treated. Real dads even dispel the stereotypes placed on us by angry, bitter, immature or vindictive women from past relationships. Real dads are priceless.
Here is a message to young people – and maybe for all of us of any age. Get to know your dad. Spend time with him. Express the urgency and your right to do so to your mom. Learn from him, watch him, ask questions. Know that he has made mistakes and he is not perfect. But then again nobody is. Experience your dad for yourself, never form an opinion of him based on what someone else told you. Parental alienation should not exist in our communities any longer. Time is precious and tomorrow is not guaranteed so don’t procrastinate. And for those who can’t make it happen, at least you tried.
The choice is yours to do the right thing, even if your child’s mother does not. The cop out for women is often abortion. The cop out for men is to walk away, deny the child or simply go start another family. But neither parent gets away with anything, children see more than you think and time brings things back around in the faces of the guilty. Be a real dad, a good dad. You are capable and your children need you. Think above the waist before you have children with a woman and be a responsible man. Let your children reflect your greatness.
By: Trevo Craw
Mr. Craw is a veteran family and relationship counselor, mediator and life coach with a background in psychology, sociology and theology who has counseled thousands of couples and families. He is a published author and professional public speaker. He can be contacted at (404) 384-7731.